Youre Such a Wise Old Man Funny

81 Funny Quotes about Life

Life has its funny moments. Let these funny quotes about life remind you of such times but also you can read between the lines and find the wisdom that they offer.

If you laugh every day it helps to take the stress of life away. Reading funny quotes or stories is a great way to do that.

The serious moments of life come every day, so make sure you find amusing and even silly things to laugh at each day!

I've met a lot of hard-boiled eggs in my life, but you - you're 20 minutes. Jan Sterling

"I've met a lot of hard-boiled eggs in my life, but you - you're 20 minutes." Jan Sterling
Tolerance
Life must bring ups and downs.
In life's ring let's be clowns!
Learn their way to make folk smile;
Dullest day, hardest mile.
Wilhelmina Stitch
Funny Poems
Luck is a dividend of sweat. The more you sweat, the luckier you get. Ray Kroc
Motivational Quotes
"Watching a person who successfully loses fifty pounds and changes her life is more inspirational than listening to a fitness coach with a perfect body." Martin Meadows, How to Think Bigger
Inspirational Quotes
There are two sources of unhappiness in life. One is not getting what you want and the other is getting it. Cassey Stolrich, How to be Happy In Life
Happiness
You are upgrading your technology, and you've not upgraded yourself! Eric Thomas
Personal Development Quotes
I guess we do all become our Mothers eventually and we have daughters like ourselves. Helen C. Escott, I Am Funny Like That
Mother Daughter Quotes
A cousin is a person who knows all of your warts and faults yet has a heart filled with love for all those like me that stumble upon the way. Happy birthday! Byron Pulsifer
Happy Birthday Cuz
If the grass is greener on the other side it's probably getting better care. Earl Nightingale
Short Quotes
"When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they're not it." Bernard Bailey
Funny Quotes
"The great thing about getting older is that you don't lose all the other ages you've been." Madeleine L'Engle
Inspirational Sayings
"When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years." Mark Twain
21st Birthday Quotes plus 30th, 40th, 50th
Every parent can relate to this saying. While it appears funny, it has a lot of wisdom in it.
Nothing pains some people more than having to think.
Martin Luther King Jr.
Pain
Without Sunday, I wouldn't know when to put on the brakes of a hurtling life. Byron Pulsifer
Sunday Quotes
Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep. Carl Sandburg
Inspirational Quotes about Life and Struggles
A good analogy. Living life has its ups and downs, sad times and happy times, challenging times and easy times!
"Running a multimillion dollar business can feel like a piece of cake when facing a defiant and dramatic teenage daughter." Colleen O'Grady, Dial Down the Drama
Daughter
There is more to life than increasing its speed. Mahatma Gandhi
Cute Life Quotes
"I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way (s)he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights." Maya Angelou
Character
"Want is a growing giant whom the coat of Have was never large enough to cover...." Ralph Waldo Emerson
Motivational Quotes about Life
"I have never developed indigestion from eating my words." Winston Churchill
Words of Encouragement
Pursue, keep up with, circle round and round your life, as a dog does his master's chaise. Do what you love. Know your own bone, gnaw at it, bury it, unearth it, and gnaw it still. Henry David Thoreau
Encouraging
When fate hands us a lemon, let's try to make lemonade."
Dale Carnegie
Funny Graduation Quotes
How many times have we heard this saying. The first time it may have made you smile, but when you think about life there are many times that our attitude will determine whether we see a lemon or we see lemonade.
"A lot of people think the whole purpose of life is just to collect stuff. You've seen the bumper sticker: 'He who dies with the most toys, wins.' The truth is, 'He who dies with the most toys ... still dies!' Rick Warren
Purpose
Life's a tough proposition but the first hundred years are the hardest. Wilson Mizner
Funny Birthday Quotes
"On his seventy-fifth birthday a photographer said: 'I hope, sir, that I will shoot your picture on your hundredth birthday.' Churchill answered: 'I don't see why not, young man. You look reasonably fit and healthy.'" William Manchester, The Last Lion
Birthday
"Lucille Ball taught me that the best comedy need never be cruel to be funny." Marie Osmond, The Key Is Love
Lucille Ball Quotes
"Try walking forward while looking over your shoulder and see how far you get. The same goes for life. Look forward!" Martin Henderson, Fatherhood
Future
Great life advice! Like the saying goes, "you can't change the past but you can change the future."
"It's funny, I spent the first half of my life desperately trying not to become my mother, and now I am spending the second half of my life desperately hoping to become half the woman that she is." Helen C. Escott, I Am Funny Like That
Mother
"Life only delivers to people that create their own postal code." Jelani Daniel, King of Quotes
Quotes about Taking Risks
Every one desires to live long, but no one would be old.
Abraham Lincoln
Famous Quotes about Life
If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut.
Albert Einstein Quotes
I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much. Mother Teresa
Trust
"Eliminating procrastination from our lives is like trying to stop a moving train; it's not easy." Joseph R. Ferrari, Still Procrastinating
Procrastination
"Chairs were created because someone, somewhere, wanted to solve a big problem: sitting on rocks causes sore bottoms." Bill Burnett, Designing Your Life
Problem
Remember every problem has a solution. Every invention solves a problem.
"An old dog can learn new tricks. If your enthusiasm has lost its vitality, do everything possible to revive it." Don McArt, The Mental Makeover
Learning
Anxiety in human life is what squeaking and grinding are in machinery that is not oiled. In life, trust is the oil. Henry Ward Beecher
Anxiety
"The only time I don't have any problems in this world is when I am already six feet below the ground." James Jason, Positive Thinking
Challenges
After reading this quote, be thankful for the problems in life that you have.
"When you pray be careful of how you respond to what you get. I read somewhere that if you pray for rain. . . don't complain about the mud!" Hyacinth Mottley, Words of Wisdom
Prayer
"People tell me, 'You're such an optimist.' Am I an optimist? An optimist says the glass is half full. A pessimist says the glass is half empty. A survivalist is practical. He says, 'Call it what you want, but just fill the glass.' I believe in filling the glass." Louis Zamperini, Don't Give Up, Don't Give In
Optimistic
Do not listen to those who weep and complain, for their disease is contagious. Og Mandino
Listening
Live in such a way that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip. Will Rogers
Gossip
Funny, but wise!
"To be successful, regardless of the field, one needs to be a participant in the field of battle, rather than a spectator." Charles Duncan, 5-minute Habits
Success
"He has a heart of gold - only harder." Adolphe Menjou
Kindness
"Goal setting is similar to travelling from point A to point B within a city. If you clearly understand what the goal is, you will definitely reach the destination because you know its address." Thomas Abreu, Science of Success
Goals
"For some, life is like a river. It becomes overpowering, uncontrollable and sometimes wild." Ravindranath Jayaratne, The Power of your Future
Life
You can complain about the direction of your life all you want, but until you sit in the driver�s seat and begin to drive yourself, you aren't going to get where you want to go! Les Brown
Complaining
Complaining gets you no where, it solves no problems, it changes nothing, it doesn't make you feel better. Taking action will result in changes in your life.
"Life without Christ is like a vacuum cleaner without the electrical cord plugged in. It has no power to suck up the dirt." Don Wilton, A Hope and a Future
Hope
"Life is short. Eat dessert first."
Cute Quotes
Eating dessert first is really not a healthy thing to do. The point is do the things you love, life really is short and the older you get the more you realize this fact.
"The successful know that the road to success is always under construction; they understand the roughness of it and never expected it to be smooth." Hernert O Nobleman, The Filigree of Success
Successful
"There never was a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him asleep." Ralph Waldo Emerson
Children
"I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book." Groucho Marx
Books
"Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seed that you plant." Robert Louis Stevenson
Action
"If a man empties his purse into his head, no one can take it from him. An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest." Benjamin Franklin
Knowledge
Lisa, just because I don't care, doesn't mean I don't understand. Homer Simpson
Journey
All of us, whether we use reading glasses or not, read through lenses. Marcus J. Borg, Reading the Bible Again For the First Time
Reading
It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it. W. Somerset Maugham
Poems about Life
Do your best, be the best and think the best. Your own thoughts can determine the outcome of your life. Don't doubt, have self confidence. Learn from your mistakes. Look at failures as learning opportunities. Keep moving forward with positive thoughts.
"The world is plentiful with honey, but only the humble bee can collect it." Ralph Waldo Emerson
Wise
"So, if you feel a smile begin, don't leave it undetected, let's start an epidemic quick, and get the world infected!" Russel H. Conwell
Smile
"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter." Mark Twain
Famous
We must not allow the clock and the calendar to blind us to the fact that each moment of life is a miracle and mystery. H.G. Wells
Miracle
Life is the only game where the object of the game is to figure out what the rules are. Tom Seeley
Meaningful
When you found out how to take it, life wasn't half bad. Willa Cather
Short Inspirational Quotes
Good health and good sense are two of life's greatest blessings. Publius
Health
"A man is not paid for having a head and hands, but for using them." Elbert Hubbard
Work
"Our snooze button does not have the power to delay the sun from rising in the morning. Time simply does not wait for anyone." Ted Robbins, Time Management
Time
"A turkey never voted for an early Christmas." Irish Quotes and Saying
Christmas
I like fishing, but I'm not a very good fisherman. I always throw the fish back into the water, just put a band-aid on his mouth, tap 'im on the patootie and let him on his way. Bob Ross
Sports
If we look around, we see countless people who pursued their dreams of a golden mansion, a Porsche 911, and a six-figure job, and yet they�re not happier than before with the moldy flat, the rusty old car, and the cheap job. Jonas Salzgeber
Dream
"If you don't understand how a woman could both love her sister dearly and want to wring her neck at the same time, then you were probably an only child." Linda Sunshine
Sister
You may plan to write a book some day, but you are living a book every day. Wilferd Peterson
Live Life
There is no such thing as a typical granny. Old-fashioned picture books might suggest that she's a comfortable old body in a flowery pinny, grey hair piled in a bun as she knits baby bonnets - but no grandma has looked like that since 1923. Flic Everett, Help! I'm a Granny
Grandmother
When I hit Grade 7, I began to understand the difference between those who had money and those who didn't have as much. Shannon Lee Simmons, Worry-Free Money
Money
Are you green and growing or ripe and rotting?
Ray Kroc
Growth
For good or ill, your conversation is your advertisement. Every time you open your mouth you let men look into your mind.
Bruce Barton Quotes
It is the little bits of things that fret and worry us; we can dodge a elephant, but we can't dodge a fly. Josh Billings
Worry
This quote reminds me of the saying, "Don't sweat the small stuff and it is all small stuff." Don't waste your days worrying about the little things!
A man who views the world the same at 50 as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life. Muhammad Ali
Age
"When you mention you have a teen daughter to someone, facial expressions turn sympathetic, as if you've just disclosed a serious medical issue." Lucie Hemmen, Parenting a Teen Girl
Sympathy
Long experience has taught me that to be criticized is not always to be wrong. Anthony Eden
Experience
"By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity - another man's, I mean." Mark Twain
Adversity
Intellectual property has the shelf life of a banana. Bill Gates
Frustration
Haters are confused admirers who can't understand why everybody else likes you. Paulo Coelho
Hurt